Friday, November 18, 2011

My birth story

If you've spent much time on message boards or reading blogs, it seems that everyone writes her birth story shortly after her baby(ies) are born.  I guess for most people it's joyous and they can't wait to share the tale of how their little one entered the world.

Well, I'm not most people.  I've sat down many times to "write" my birth story.  I say "write" because I know how it happened.  I'm not a writer of fictional novels and tales.  Writers develop their plot, they have the "perfect ending" in mind.  My storyline didn't go as planned.  The birth of my bees was not "storybook perfect".  I had NO control of when and how my bees entered the world.  I had NO control over the first few weeks of their lives.  There are still many things with Itty Bitty's health that are out of my control.

When I've attempted to put the story into words, I get stuck.  I can't find the right words to describe the overwhelming feelings of pain, fear, anger and jealousy that I felt when I found out the bees would be born 10 weeks early.  I had just over 48 hours to brace myself for the fact that I would have two micropreemies, send months going back and forth to visit my children in the NICU and to mentally prepare for the challenges we would face.

I'm not ready to put it into words.  The bees are 8 months old.  I've holding it in for 8 months and I keep telling myself "Oh, I'll write it down next week...", but it never happens.  Hopefully as we overcome some major challenges in the coming weeks and months, I will finally be able to "write" my birth story.

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